Saturday, 12 May 2012

Another Saturday in Ambridge, some missing characters sighted, fete and wedding plans

A number of Ambridgians have been notable by their absence in recent weeks. Regular visits to both Tony and Adam have given me the opportunity to snoop around and see what these people have been up to, especially on a Saturday when the documentary makers take themselves and their recording equipment away for their day off. This is what I have been able to find out this weekend:

Roy is still serving his community service even though he thought he had left his "racist years" behind. His penance currently is to weed Usha's front garden so he has had a front row seat to observe the comings and goings at The Vicarage.

Kathy Perks is feeling very left out. While Usha is sharing her problems with Ruth there are great moaning opportunities going begging, so she has thrown herself into her regular Saturday Happiness Class at the Village Hall.

Jack is in far better health than we have been led to believe. Retired press baron that he is, he has been a special advisor to Leveson and by any measure his memory is far more reliable than the majority of the witnesses.

Shula has been.....well, actually, nobody knows, and nobody cares. Rumour has it she has been bound up in Alan's coal shed for the past year. Ransom demands have been sent to Alastair but he has yet to respond.

Rich has been opening the batting for Yorkshire. He also played up front for Leeds United for the last half of the season. Not surprised he hasn't been heard of. Have you seen the seasons they both had?

Eccles the peacock has gone into hiding. His nose has been put properly out of joint since Iffy arrived on the scene. He's never known such competition.

Meanwhile Usha - the solicitor left out in the cold - has been roaming the streets and seeking comfort in the company of anyone but Amy or Alan. She was seen deep in conversation with @TrethFamilyLaw but we can't be sure if that was for legal advice or was pre-fete planning.

Plans for the fete are coming along. @tennismajorette will be able to concentrate on fete baking once tomorrow is out of the way. She spends the football season baking lucky cakes for the Arsenal faithful - so take note, and rely on her baking for comfort eating rather than good results.

@Mudkipstoat23 is still working hard on his fantasies for the Story Telling Tent (greatly recommended) and @entersoundman has the great opportunity to garner inside gen for us when he starts work experience at Radio Borsetshire tomorrow. His greatest task will be avoiding @Brenda_tucker's advances and her attempts to get @eatmysausage Tom's products placed at every turn.

Most important, though, will be any inside information he can present us with on the plans for My Big Fat Horrobin Wedding. I've seen a glass globe being constructed on Bartleby's trap, and copious lengths of white lace being shipped into the village. Chelsea has been stalking the village with an air of greatly increased confidence and a number of people witnessed unpleasant fisticuffs between her and Tilly Button. This really will be AN EVENT and I have no doubt there will be fallout along the way which will require medical attention.

As ever, keep 'em peeled and record here or to @TonysConsultant any other sightings you may make.

1 comment:

  1. Grateful to @Dark_Blue_Box (Mike Thompson) who has offered a £5 ransom for Shula's freedom AND hot chocolate on her release. Any advances? ALASTAIR?