Saturday, 21 April 2012

Archers-free Saturdays and How to Survive Them

For many years, the length and breadth of the country, men and women have suffered on Archers-free Saturdays as withdrawal and frustration stalk the nation.

In response to the many people who have lobbied me for ways to deal with these very real problems, this Bulletin will have an occasional series including suggestions of antidotes for Archers-free Saturdays.

1. Prepare your Card for Omnibus Archers Bingo
Archers Bingo plays a major part in the Sunday morning tweetalong. Listeners can of course create their own card but here's a suggestion for 22nd April 2012's Omnibus.

2. Build your own Lower Loxley
In true Blue Peter fashion and in tribute to Tracey Island, create your very own scale model of Lower Loxley. This is a particularly useful exercise as you go about sorting your household waste for the weekend's recycling. Those cardboard boxes, washing-up liquid bottles and yoghurt pots will never have been put to better use. Ensure that this model is a sound structure: next week we'll be adding the Nigel Memorial Roof Garden. And treat this as good practice for when planning permission has been awarded for the Mega Dairy.

3. Pin the Tail on Topper
One for all the family. Played to the same rules as the traditional Children's game "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" this is a warm up for next week's "Pin Freddie on Topper" and the following week's "Pin the Crime on Darrell".

4. Ambridge Casualty
One of my personal favourites. Scour Ambridge for obvious hazards, place regular characters near them and watch as they suffer the consequential injury and visit to Casualty at Borsetshire General A&E. Only to be played during opening hours.

5. Saturday Shopping Bingo
Liven up the Saturday family shopping with matching the item to the character. Who would possibly wear that tasselled loafer; who would buy that new software; who would have a use for that turkey baster; who would buy that litter and toy for their pussy? Hours of fun for all the family.

No doubt listeners have their own coping mechanisms for these dark and empty Saturdays and their suggestions, along with feedback on the success of the above, will be gratefully received.

Yours in withdrawal,

Tony's Consultant

1 comment:

  1. Thank goodness someone has finally come up with handy solutions to the terrible Saturday Archers Withdrawal Symptoms (or "SAWS" as I like to call them) I have been experiencing. You brightened up my day!

    I was, however, then catapulted back into a pit of depression at your mention of tasselled loafers - I have recently discovered that my husband owns several pairs, one of which are made by Gucci. He has been hiding them from me and I am now concerned that he may, in fact, swing both ways. I have been trying not to think about it but perhaps you could give me some useful (and obviously confidential) advice on the subject? I realise this may be taking liberties, asking for personal advice, but I have nowhere else to turn - the women at the bakery just wouldn't understand.

    Yours sincerely,
    ?Beard of Stratford.