Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Out of the mouths of babes and Tilly Button: an open letter to Mr Yorke of "The Echo."

There has been much consternation in Ambridge and its environs since changes at The Echo which have raised serious concerns.

Although it is understood that Mr Yorke is only temporarily in charge while the fragrant Ms Whitburn takes a well earned break (we all wish her well) there is nonetheless widespread concern that Mr Yorke's changes may be so deep and significant that they will be irreversible.

These fears are at their greatest in those who have knowledge of Mr Yorke's previous work at the Walford Gazette. Prominent amongst these are the Button family, for reasons which will become acutely obvious. The young beau of the family - Tilly - has articulated their concerns in a remarkably mature letter to The Echo, which I'm delighted to reproduce in full below:

Dear Mr Yorke

Politeness demands that I extend to you a very warm welcome to the role of Editor of The Echo. I must, however, take issue with you on the plans you have announced for our esteemed organ on behalf of my family and the wider Ambridge community.

Firstly, I should explain about our family. We moved to Ambridge under the witness protection scheme. I obviously cannot say much more on this matter but suffice to say that we are not unaware of your work on the Walford Gazette from our previous existence with my grandmother Peggy and Uncles Phil and Grant.

You should understand that when we moved from Walford we did not elect to move to Weatherfield, or to Emmerdale, or to Chester, but to Ambridge. We chose Ambridge because it offered a particular style of life which attracted us. We wanted somewhere where we would not end each day on tenterhooks but where we might be able to sleep counting sheep rather than murderers, contemplating the day's broken milk bottles rather than bottled milkmen, waking to the sound of cocks rather than coppers bashing on our doors.

The idyllic life has already been disturbed by your paper's tabloid-like obsession with the sex life of the villagers. Everyone is at it and whilst there is no denying it happens, we do not need it rammed down our throats at every turn. Every edition of your organ seems obsessed with it, and even Randy Ruth has been on the prowl. The girl who likes to say "Nooooooo" no more.

I think I speak for all the villagers when I say that if we wanted excitement we would not live in Ambridge or read The Echo. If we did we would be obsessed with serials, not cereals. We want quiet lives which we can embelish into excitement in our imaginations and in cyberspace. What would happen on Twitter if Badger Revolts, Murder Mayhem, Ridiculous Relationships and Inappropriate Innuendo were all part and parcel of Ambridge life? Please give us daily routine. We will do the rest.

Yours with menaces

Tilly Button

I am sure you will join me in thanking Tilly for her remarkably mature and astute observations, and to underline to Mr Yorke that she speaks for us all. If you have further observations please add them below, or direct to @TonysConsultant.


  1. NotTillyButton6 June 2012 at 08:47


  2. I have bad news to report

    As requested I went to Borchester, took a taxi out to the market, walked through to the garden centre, and then boarded the bus to Ambridge.

    At St Stephens I turned left and walked as far as the rickety style where I had been told to place the ransom for Shula.

    I then retreated home

    Since then, however, I have heard nothing back despite the fact that the kidnappers had agreed to the photograph of the £5 note.

    Could it be that by asking for change the kidnappers have reneged on the deal?